I have tried since the death of my dad to sit down and write a little about his last few weeks here with us but have found it very difficult to do. However, I feel a great need to write some of the last things that my dad taught me as he and my mom and my family have been the great teachers in my life.
Dad was scheduled to come and visit with us on December 27 after Christmas and was going to stay until after his 90th birthday. But the week before he did not feel well and decided he would stay home and try to get feeling better before he came to visit us.
Around the first of January, my sister and I talked and she suggested that we might want to come to Phoenix and visit with dad.
On January 2 Carolyn and I left for Phoenix. Little did we realize that this would be our last trip to see dad. I am so glad that we went to Arizona when we did and am so grateful that we had this last week with him.
He was in the hospital when we arrived. He looked great and said that he was feeling pretty good. They had done some dialysis with him and were still considering what to do. Dad seemed happy to see us and we had a nice visit. That night I decided to stay at the hospital with dad. When he woke up in the morning, he said that during the night he was thinking about how life was like Suduko. He loved doing Sudukos and it was natural for him to use things he knew about as teaching tools. He said that in Suduko you have to move the numbers around and when you get them all in the right place that you have solved the problem. He said that he had been thinking about his health problems and what seemed to be the things that needed to happen and he said that no matter however or where ever he put them, they just didn't fit into the puzzle right. He said he just couldn't see any solution to the situation he was in at that time. He seemed so calm as he talked about it. He seemed very much at piece.
During the next day, dad talked with us. He was his usual great self. He had a new joke for us. Dad always loved to tell jokes. The last joke he told me during his journey her on earth was as follows: What do you call a person who will not fart in public. Answer: A private tooter. He had a great sense of humor.
I spent the next night with him at the hospital again. The next morning he again had a Suduko comparison. He said that life was much like a game of Suduko. In the game, you have to get all the numbers in correct place and when you do you feel a great deal of satisfaction. He said that in his life he had been able to get all the numbers in the right places and then you have a great sense of accomplishment and joy. He said that he felt his live had been wonderful and he was grateful for all of the pieces in it.
My sister, her husband and all of their children lived in Arizona close to dad. They made regular visits to see him at the hospital. All of my children live far away. They made daily calls to see how dad was doing. At this time I think we were all hoping that he was going to rebound. Several of the children asked if they should come out to see dad. I could only tell them that I didn't know what to tell them and that they had to make their own decision. By Saturday morning all of them had decided that they were coming to Arizona to see day. He was much loved and such a great example to my children. On Sunday all 14 of dad's grandchildren (my eight children plus some spouses and my sister's 6 children + some spouses) were at the hospital visiting him. He would during the next day or so, tell everyone he saw that all 14 of his grandchildren were there on Sunday to visit him. One of the grandchildren said that dad had always been at every important event in their lives and that if dad was going to pass away, they at least wanted to be there to see him during this important event. It was a special time for each of them as they said what would be their final goodbyes to dad before he departed this life. All of them wanted to let him know how special he had been in their live and the ways in which he had influenced them. By Monday morning all of my children began to return home except for Lisa and Kevin who decided to stay on and see if they could help. All returned a week later to be at dad's funeral. Only dear sweet Marika was unable to be there. Audrey was sick and the doctors said she was contagious and couldn't travel. Again, I think this was a great tribute to dad's influence in their lives.
We had a visit with the chief of the unit were dad was and he told us that there was little that they could do to help dad. They said that the one thing that they could do was to put him on continuous dialysis and that would prolong his life for a few weeks or months. They asked dad what he wanted to do. He said that he did not want to spend the last days of his life hooked to a machine and that he would rather go home to spend what time he had left. I am so grateful for the example he set in making this decision. I am also glad that he was able to make the decision. Because while I think it was the right one, it would have been a hard one for me to make.
Arrangements were made for dad to return to his home and Hospice of the Valley was assigned to help us with making the final transition from this life easier. We are so grateful for the support and help that they provided us during this difficult time and I will share more about that later.
Monday afternoon dad was returned to his home by ambulance. After we arrived home, a nurse from Hospice came to visit. She asked if dad could get around. He got up and went for a walk. He walked into his office and wanted to check his stock (So dad) but we made him go back to visit with the nurse. That was the last walk dad took. After that he was moved by others until he passed away.
We had good visits with dad on Tuesday and Wednesday. On Thursday dad seemed to be struggling a little. He was sleeping and was not eating well. At night he began to cough a lot. We finally called Hospice and they came out. The nurse told us that dad had begun his journey. They told us what to expect. I told them that he wasn't eating or taking his medicine. They said that was to be expected. They said we didn't need to worry about that. Just give him the medicine to keep him comfortable. It reminded me of a story about my mom's passing. Dad was told not to worry about feeding her. He said that if he didn't she would die. Then, with a realization of what he had said, he said "I guess she is dying." While we knew this it was still hard to come to grips with.
Friday dad was pretty unresponsive and I feel like sometime during the day he probably went into a comma. We got him into bed on Friday night. I awoke about 12:30 and went into his room. He seemed so peaceful. I felt the need to just be in their with him. At around 1:15 he stopped breathing and his earthly life had come to an end. I was glad to be with him when that happened. Dad showed here his stubborn streak. He was going to celebrate his 90th birthday. After arriving at that point he went to celebrate the event with mom.
Dad had never wanted to hang on and be sick for a long period of time or be a burden on anyone and I am so glad that is wishes were granted. I had always thought it would be nice if dad just went to sleep one night and didn't wake the next morning. But a kind, loving Heavenly Father allowed it to happen in a much more wonderful way. All of dad's family members were allowed a last visit with him, to sense of his wonder and his great strength. We all got to say our last goodbyes and then he passed peacefully to be with mom.
I am so glad that I can say that I was born of goodly parents. What a blessing that has been in my life.
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